classic definitions and cool meanings
You’ll have a laugh at these…
1. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
2. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
3. Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
4. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
5. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
6. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
7. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
8. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
9. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
10. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
11. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
12. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
13. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
14. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
15. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
16. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
17. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
18. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
19. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
20. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
21. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
22. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
23. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
24. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
25. Father : A banker provided by nature.
26. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
27. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
28. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
29. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Patience In Prayer
When the idea is not right, God says, "NO". No - when the idea is not the best. No - when the idea is absolutely wrong. No - when though it may help you, It would create problems for someone else. When the time is not right, God says, "SLOW". What a catastrophe it would be if God answered every prayer at the snap of your fingers. Do you know what would happen? God would become your servant, not your master. Suddenly God would be working for you instead of you working for God. When you are not right, God says,"GROW". The selfish person has to grow in unselfishness. The cautious person must grow in courage. The timid person must grow in confidence, The dominating person must grow in sensitivity. The critical person must grow in tolerance. The negative person must grow in positive attitudes. The pleasure-seeking person must grow in compassion for suffering people. When everything is all right, God says,"GO". Then miracles happen: A hopeless alcoholic is set free. A drug addict finds release. A doubter becomes a child in his belief. Diseased tissue responds to treatment, and healing begins. The door to your dream suddenly swings open and there stands God saying, "GO!". Remember: God's delays are not God's denials. God's timing is perfect. Patience is what we need in prayer.
Two camels
Two camels (a mother and a baby) were lazing around, when suddenly baby camel said.
Baby: "mother, mother, can I ask you some question?"
Mother: "sure! why son, is there something bothering you?"
Baby: "why do camel have humps?"
Mother: "well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water."
Baby: "okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded."
Mother:"Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert. You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone", said the mother proudly.
Baby: "okay," "then why are our eye lashes long? Sometimes it is bothering my sight." said baby camel.
Mother: "my son, those long thick eye lashes are your protective cover. They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind." Said mother camel with eyes brimming with pride.
Baby: "I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert,the legs are for walking through the desert and these eye lashes protects my eyes from the desert. Then what the hell are we doing here in a zoo???
The Moral of the Story :
Skills, Knowledge, Abilities and Experience are only useful if the place where you are working gives oppurtunity!!
Why is it so hard to let go?
The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?"
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.
"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents.
On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace. Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story.
One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"
"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess - the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."
"That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"
"Daddy, you know I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."
"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you" And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.
A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.
"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?" Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy.
And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you."
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.
So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasure. Isn't God good? Are you holding onto things which God wants you to let go of?
Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits and activities which you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go of? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand, but do believe this one thing..................
God will never take away something without giving you something better to take its place.
MAT 22:37 And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
Be Reminded...
If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep .. you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace .. you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If you woke up this morning with more health than illness .. you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ..you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death .. you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.
If your parents are still alive and still married .. you are very rare, even from a third world country.
If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful.. you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.
If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder .. you are blessed because you can offer healing touch.
If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that .. someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.
Have a good day, count your blessings, and pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.
WHY GO TO CHURCH?
A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of the newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I am wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."
This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:
"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32 000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today."
Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!" When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something!
Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!
How To Keep Employees
Here is a really good read. Its very enlightening. You may think this does not apply to you but who knows, you may soon be a boss someday.
Early this year, Arun, an old friend who is a senior software designer, got an offer from a prestigious international firm to work in its India operations developing a specialized software. He was thrilled by the offer. He had heard a lot about the CEO of this company, a charismatic man often quoted in the business press for his visionary attitude.
The salary was great. The company had all the right systems in place - employee-friendly human resources (HR) policies, a spanking new office, the very best technology, even a canteen that served superb food.
Twice Arun was sent abroad for training. "My learning curve is the sharpest it's ever been," he said soon after he joined. "It's a real high working with such cutting edge technology."
Last week, less than eight months after he joined, Arun walked out of the job. He has no other offer in hand but he said he couldn't take it anymore. Nor, apparently, could several other people in his department who have also quit recently.
The CEO is distressed about the high employee turnover. He's distressed about the money he's spent in training them. He's distressed because he can't figure out what happened. Why did this talented employee leave despite a top salary?
Arun quit for the same reason that drives many good people away. The answer lies in one of the largest studies undertaken by the Gallup Organization. The study surveyed over a million employees and 80,000 managers and was published in a book called First Break All The Rules. It came up with this surprising finding: If you're losing good people, look to their immediate supervisor. More than any other single reason, he is the reason people stay and thrive in an organization. And he's the reason why they quit, taking their knowledge, experience and contacts with them. Often, straight to the competition.
"People leave managers not companies," write the authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman. "So much money has been thrown at the challenge of keeping good people - in the form of better pay, better perks and better training - when, in the end, turnover is mostly a manager issue." If you have a turnover problem, look first to your managers. Are they driving people away?
Beyond a point, an employee's primary need has less to do with money, and more to do with how he's treated and how valued he feels. Much of this depends directly on the immediate manager. And yet, bad bosses seem to happen to good people everywhere. A Fortune magazine survey some years ago found that nearly 75 per cent of employees have suffered at the hands of difficult superiors. You can leave one job to find - you guessed it, another wolf in a pin-stripe suit in the next one.
Of all the workplace stressors, a bad boss is possibly the worst, directly impacting the emotional health and productivity of employees.
Here are some all-too common tales from the battlefield:
Dev, an engineer, still shudders as he recalls the almost daily firings his boss subjected him to, usually in front of his subordinates. His boss emasculated him with personal, insulting remarks. In the face of such rage, Dev completely lost the courage to speak up. But when he reached home depressed, he poured himself a few drinks, and magically, became as abusive as the boss himself. Only, it would come out on his wife and children. Not only was his work life in the doldrums, his marriage began cracking up too.
Another employee Rajat recalls the Chinese torture his boss put him through after a minor disagreement. He cut him off completely. He bypassed him in any decision that needed to be taken. "He stopped sending me any papers or files," says Rajat. "It was humiliating sitting at an empty table. I knew nothing and no one told me anything." Unable to bear this corporate Siberia, he finally quit.
HR experts say that of all the abuses, employees find public humiliation the most intolerable. The first time, an employee may not leave, but a thought has been planted. The second time, that thought gets strengthened. The third time, he starts looking for another job.
When people cannot retort openly in anger, they do so by passive aggression. By digging their heels in and slowing down. By doing only what they are told to do and no more. By omitting to give the boss crucial information. Dev says: "If you work for a jerk, you basically want to get him into trouble. You don't have your heart and soul in the job."
Different managers can stress out employees in different ways - by being too controlling, too suspicious, too pushy, too critical, too nit-picky. But they forget that workers are not fixed assets, they are free agents. When this goes on too long, an employee will quit - often over a seemingly trivial issue.
It isn't the 100th blow that knocks a good man down. It's the 99 that went before. And while it's true that people leave jobs for all kinds of reasons - for better opportunities or for circumstantial reasons - many who leave would have stayed - had it not been for one man constantly telling them, as Arun's boss did: "You are dispensable. I can find dozens like you."
While it seems like there are plenty of other fish especially in today's waters, consider for a moment the cost of losing a talented employee. There's the cost of finding a replacement. The cost of training the replacement. The cost of not having someone to do the job in the meantime. The loss of clients and contacts the person had with the industry. The loss of morale in co-workers. The loss of trade secrets this person may now share with others.
Plus, of course, the loss of the company's reputation. Every person who leaves a corporation then becomes its ambassador, for better or for worse. We all know of large IT companies that people would love to join and large television companies few want to go near. In both cases, former employees have left to tell their tales.
"Any company trying to compete must figure out a way to engage the mind of every employee," Jack Welch of GE once said. Much of a company's value lies "between the ears of its employees". If it's bleeding talent, it's bleeding value. Unfortunately, many senior executives busy traveling the world, signing new deals and developing a vision for the company, have little idea of what may be going on at home. That deep within an organization that otherwise does all the right things, one man could be driving its best people away.
Hidden Gems
"But We have this treasure in Earthen vessels..." II Corinthians 4:8
I remember reading a story once about a man who was exploring some caves by the seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled up some clay and left them out in the sun to bake. They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man so he took the bag out of the cave with him.
As he strolled along the beach, to pass the time, he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could throw. He thought little about it until he dropped one of the balls and it cracked open on a rock. Inside was a beautiful, precious stone. Excited the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls. Each contained a similar treasure. He found hundreds of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left, then it struck him. He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of hundreds of dollars in treasure, he could have taken home thousands, but he just threw it away.
You know sometimes, it's like that with people. We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or sparkling, so we discount it, we see that person as less important than someone more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy. But we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person by God.
There is a treasure in each and every one of us. The Bible says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. I don't think he means just our physical bodies. I think he means our spiritual selves, which are sometimes hidden from others by the "earthen vessel." But if you take the time to get to know that person, and if you ask the Father to show you that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.
Don't come to the end of your life and find out that you threw away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay.
Lord, let me see the people in my world as you see them today. Amen
Funny: Breaking the Law of Physics
Recently Sir Isaac Newton, the father of physics, made a visit to earth to watch a movie. He watched a few Tamil movies and had his head spinning.
He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologised for everything he had done.
In the movie of Vijaykanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes:
1) Vijayakanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Vijayakanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured.
Long Live Vijaykanth !
2) In one of the movies, Vijaykanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Vijaykanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess, what he does....... He holds a knife in his hand and throws at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces and kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife killed the middle one ....
3) Vijayakanth is chased by a gangster. Vijaykanth has a revolver but he got no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Vijayakanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies....
This was too much for our Sir Newton to take and he was completely shaken and he decided to go back. But he happened to see a movie for one last time and thought that at least one movie will follow his theory of physics. The whole movies goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops not so fast.
The climax finally arrives.
Vijaykanth gets to know that the villian is on the the other side of a very high wall. So high that Vijayakanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Vijaykanth has to desperately kill the villian because it is the climax . Vijayakanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pocket ( probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and when the gun reaches the height of the wall, he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in the air, with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villian is dead.
Sir Isaac Newton faints !!!
